Well. Here it is. The obligatory new years post.
Actually it’s not very obligatory to me because if I’m posting something it means I really want to. Not that other bloggers out there don’t want to post for new years, I’m just saying that if I didn’t want to post I wouldn’t.
I’m that person. The “Hey, everyone’s thinking it, I’m just saying it” person. Sometimes being that person gets me into trouble but I like to think (or hope!) that it’s the “right kind of trouble”. ;)
As I was saying I only post when I really want to. And if you’re a regular reader you know that I have not posted for most of 2014.
This is the cover of the notebook I got for Christmas from my sister, and the fortune cookie thingy is from dinner last night.
I personally don’t actually believe in fortune cookies. I just like to eat them. Actually. I just like to eat. ;)
Both items (and the fact that it’s almost January!) caused me to reflect on this year. It is with a bitter sweetness that I say I have probably spent most of this year recovering from various things. And that my friends is why I haven’t posted anything. Because I have felt the constant need to be in recovery mode. So. Not only do I skip sharing things with people I see in person but I also skip sharing online with people I don’t know. Things just happened like wave after crashing wave. A lot of it was brokenness. Broken friendships. Broken expectations. Broken trusts. Broken dreams.
But never. Ever. A broken Jesus.
I can’t really tell you that these things I’m talking about can be fixed. Or if they can be I don’t really know that they will be. I’m okay with that. Not in a sinister, cold I’m-cutting-the-world-off-from-me-pity-party-for-one kind of way. Just an okay. Guess I’ll be starting over again kind of way. It’s okay to start over.
I cannot be anything but thankful for a God who is bigger than me. His dreams and His plans are bigger and better than anything I could ever plan for me. No matter what that looks like. No matter what that feels like. I cannot be anything but thankful that He allows the tearing down. Because better is the pain and the tearing apart and rebuilding from His sweet gentle loving hands than of my own ever fumbling processes.
When the tearing and rearranging is all over, He will continue to direct my steps and I can dream big again. I can be the dreamer and risk taker He’s created me to be.
So. What building do you have going on? Maybe you’re tearing down. I wanna know so I can pray for you. :) Here’s one from me: I start college next week. (Shout out to Cal Baptist!) For the first time in the history of my ever. I am going to college. Don’t know if this matters to anyone but I don’t mind telling you that I’m 27 so this feels like a big deal to me haha! =p I didn’t go to school when I finished high school and I definitely never thought I’d get to go the way I get to now. I am terrified and excited at the same time. =-O Part of the reason I get to go is due to some of the “tearing away” that took place earlier this year. That story is for another day but I will say this: Jesus truly does make all things beautiful. ;) and He honors those who honor Him. :)
Happy new year. 🎉
May you be indescribably overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus and His immeasurable love for you.
Life is going to give you a lot of broken things. But we never have a broken Jesus. He remains the same faithful Redeemer. 💜